It’s not that I’m looking for a spendthrift–quite the opposite. But at some point one needs to start being an adult and stop living in mini-sorority houses. Just a thought.

Let me backtrack. I’m pretty bold and aggressive in nearly all aspects of my life–just not in dating. So, I’ve taken it upon myself to be more bold and forward.

Well, this date was going swimmingly well, so I decided to–wait for it–go in for the hand. Yes, I held her hand on the first date. Gasp. It could’ve been a wonderful moment of shared affection in a budding romance. Instead, the girl queried: “Do you hold lots of girls’ hands?” In other words, in the warped world of Mormon dating, a sort of Bizarro World in the Superman sense, I was being asked if I was an, ahem, “promiscuous hand-holder.” Yes, my hand-holding on the first date had brought a feeling of concern to this nice woman that I was a player. I kind of chuckled and said no. The budding relationship died under the heat of the glaring question–are you a promiscuous hand holder?

It’s all so amusing. And warped. And delightful. And fun.

And yes, “inconsistency” is a hallmark of LDS dating in the late 20s and the entire 30s. I really don’t have an answer why, or care to venture an answer in this post. It just is, for some reason.

I am first and foremost, a devout Mormon. I always have been. It’s never been my nature to flirt with the edge. I always thought that was ridiculous. Even those fighting against conformity were themselves conforming. I am willing to question the culture that is attached to my faith–especially where I believe that the culture isn’t necessarily tied to a doctrinal belief.

This seems to be a fair introduction. We’ll see how this endeavor goes.

The Barn Dance came up during lunch. My friend noted that she thought about going to the Barn Dance, but decided against it. As she so luculently observed–she wants to meet a Mormon guy but not one while he is all dressed up.  So, my question to her was, how many people have actually met and then married because they attended the Barn Dance?  We laughed at the utter ridiculousness of the answer we both knew. My guess, in the last 5 years–zero.

This raises the question–why do we have a Barn Dance, or even the dance in NYC on Halloween? I’ve attended my fair share of Mormon singles dances–though the dance I attended on Halloween in Boston was the first Mormon singles dance I had been to since 2002.  They haven’t changed much.  People still dance while arranged in a circle, awkwardly smiling and giggling, waiting for that brave soul to venture into the middle of the circle to attempt same horribly off-beat dance moves. And generally not off-beat in a charming way. More in a way that makes you feel bad that brave soul. So, dancing in a circle doesn’t really help one’s cause when trying to catch that ever elusive seemingly quixotic goal of eternal love.

So, back to the question, why a Barn Dance on Halloween? If you look at this economically, it doesn’t make sense. The incentives are all skewed the wrong way. The probability of meeting someone all costumed up with fake blood on their face is low, to non-existent. The costumes tend toward the childish–seriously, a princess? You’re 31 and you’ve dressed as a princess? Dealbreaker. Immediate dealbreaker. The dancing is atrocious. Look, there are few things hotter than a girl that can dance. Mormon girls + childish costumes + awkwardly bad dance moves = bad combination. Dancing in a circle is bad. I’ve attended plenty of dances as a adult, just very few Mormon dances. I don’t recall dancing in a circle. And I’m not much of a grinder yet I managed to dance with a female without falling into that circular trap. The cost of attending the Barn Dance is too high for the payout–bad costumes, bad dancing, cheap refreshments, lots of awkwardness.  The Barn Dance is not for me.